


Eternal Disaster

by SEMellark



Category: Free!
Genre: Crack, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry, that's all it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:53:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4517391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SEMellark/pseuds/SEMellark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I want to know what it feels like to kick your ass.”</p><p>Nagisa lifts a hand to his chest, aghast, though his shoulders shake with silent laughter as Rin and Rei exchange wide-eyed looks of confusion. Haru doesn’t even shift his gaze from the screen, but the corners of his mouth tug down into something more displeased than petulant.</p><p>“Wow, I never knew Mako-chan had such a filthy mouth.”</p><p>“Wha – He said it, not me!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eternal Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> I can say nothing in my defense, I'm very sorry

_“I want to know what it feels like to kick your ass.”_

Nagisa lifts a hand to his chest, aghast, though his shoulders shake with silent laughter as Rin and Rei exchange wide-eyed looks of confusion. Haru doesn’t even shift his gaze from the screen, but the corners of his mouth tug down into something more displeased than petulant.

“Wow, I never knew Mako-chan had such a filthy mouth.”

“Wha – _He_ said it, not _me!_ ”

“I… ” Rei seems to be at a loss, leaning back against the couch with his arms crossed over his chest. “Don’t know what to say?”

“Me neither, _man_.” Rin laments, expression completely neutral for all of five seconds before he cracks and is shaking nearly as hard as Nagisa, sniggering into the crook of his arm. Makoto groans, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Oh, come on, guys, you have to admit, this is hilarious.”

Makoto shakes his head. “No. No, it isn’t. This is a nightmare. What if my parents see this? What if _Ren and Ran_ see it?”

“Oh, please, you aren’t even that bad, Makoto. At least they pronounced your name right. You just sound a little… bro-ish.”

“ _Bro-ish?”_

“Yeah,” Nagisa cuts in, shoving the pillow he has in his lap against Rei’s chest so his hands are free, “like, ‘Hey, man, I’m out of protein shake, let me suck your dick,’ _that_ kind of bro.”

“But then,” Rei says slowly, “don’t we all seem like that?”

“Are you _confessing_ to something, Rei-chan?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Yeah, I guess not. I would know.”

“Makoto would never say something like that.” Haru says suddenly, still glaring at the television screen like it’s personally offended him. “Not to me or anyone else.”

“Well, they had to do _something_ to disguise all the married couple vibe.” Rin comments, unperturbed. “It’s gross. I’m not surprised this happened at all.”

To Makoto’s chagrin, Rei and Nagisa actually nod in agreement. “See, look!” Nagisa exclaims, pointing at the screen. “Haru-chan’s so worried that you’re upset about him beating you. It’s like a little lover’s spat.”

“It’s not like you can change what’s actually happening on the screen.” Rei points out. “The way you and Haruka-senpai look at one another will be forever preserved, Makoto-senpai.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about!” Makoto exclaims, though he can’t deny that does seem to be the only good thing about all of this.

“Yeah, can we talk about something else, like Momo calling himself _daddy?_ Or Haru calling me a douchebag? What the fuck is that about?”

Nagisa taps at his chin with a finger. “That does seem a little out of character. But how do we know Haru-chan isn’t always thinking it?”

Rin snorts, but the glance he shoots Haru is questioning. Haru doesn’t even react.

“I have never heard this many dudes and bros in my entire life.” Rei says despairingly.

“Can I just say that Mako-chan calling Haru-chan ‘dude’ is the _weirdest_ thing I’ve ever heard? It’s like watching my parents have sex and then high-five each other after.”

Rin snaps his fingers, like Nagisa has just solved life’s greatest riddle. _“Right?”_

Haru’s frown deepens as he abruptly stands from the couch. “Makoto, who do we call to fix this?”

“Haru, you can’t just _call_ someone about this, it’s already done!”

“… Rei, who do we call to fix this?”

“I suppose we could find contact information on the back of the box these discs came in.”

“Please don’t encourage him.” Makoto groans. “Why is this happening?”

“Ah, don’t worry, Mako-chan, you’re _fine,_ you’ve got backstroke for days!”

This was _such_ a bad idea.


End file.
